FractalRock

I had written a status update or journal entry some time last year or the year before, in which I complained about DeviantArt's message notification system. I didn't like the way it was set up. I realize they were going through some system changes and are still doing so. It's likely that it will be an ongoing process until the sun sets on time forever. However, I'd like to say that I actually like it now. It's a breeze for me to go through my messages and notifications, and it is easy to respond and return llamas. It is vastly improved from where it was when I complained. Thanks, DeviantArt!

In other news, I used to write music years ago. I haven't made any music for a very long time, but recently I started to do so again. This time, I am making electronic music. Before, I had written my music on a piano. Now, I am using my iPad, tablet, computer, and smartphone to make music. I also compose beats. I'm still getting the hang of using electronic devices to make music, so right now my music isn't polished. I have some recordings but they need work. I mainly do it for a hobby.

I'm still making fractals and other forms of digital art, as well as writing poetry. I recently bought a lot of traditional and digital art supplies. I'm just waiting for energy to be able to use them. I've got watercolors, alcohol markers, coloring pencils, pastels, chalk, tons of various paper for mixed media, watercolor, markers, drawing, and other types of paper. I also got a lot of digital art supplies like new software and also digital brushes, textures, canvases, add-ons, and other tools.

That's all the news I have for now. I hope everyone has a nice weekend and that March is off to a good start.

I think I'm addicted to fractals. So, please forgive me. I don't just make them! I also look at other people's fractals. There is something soothing about them.

I saw my first fractal in 2005. I immediately fell in love and knew that somehow, I absolutely must learn how to make them. It's amazing that I didn't see any before then because I have been a lover of math since I was a child and even went on to get my bachelor's degree in it. None of my math teachers or professors showed me a fractal. I just accidentally stumbled upon them one day. So, in 2005, I started making them. I can't remember who, but someone - it had to have been a friend I met online - sent me a book about fractals. I still have that book.

I'd be embarrassed to show you my earliest fractals, as they are not very good. Over the years, I have improved, and I am still improving. (For the record, some of my earliest fractals are on my DeviantArt page.)

I sometimes go months without making any. It's because depression causes anhedonia and I stop experiencing the enjoyment of doing hobbies or other otherwise enjoyable activities. I simply lose inspiration. When I get like that, I don't even know how to begin to make a fractal. Sometimes, seeing other people's fractals inspire me and I will look at them when in a drab mood just to try to rejuvenate my interest in them again.

Making fractals is very therapeutic for me. They distract me from my illness. They also allow me to unleash my artistic creativity. I always like to tell people that they don't have to know math to make fractals, but the beautiful thing about them is that math draws pretty pictures, and knowing math can only enhance them and let one understand the magic. The only things one needs to make them are a computer, an eye for beauty, and a drive to make art.

So, to make a long story short. I don't just want to make fractals, I need to make them.

The move is finally nearly finished. We moved out of the apartment on January 24th. We've been getting settled into our house and still have more stuff to move out of the garage at the apartment. It has been a very stressful time for me. I've been diagnosed with schizophrenia and have had to make a lot of adjustments to my medications in order to be here today. The stress of the move contributed to a lot of my recent problems. The doctor has since told me to stay away from stress. I don't know why the move was so stressful for me, as my amazing and loving husband did most of the work. I think it was just that I spent too much time feeling anxiety and worrying about it. But things are settling down. Stress has caused problems for me in the past.

I really don't believe the diagnosis. I think my problems are caused by the MS. MS is a neurological disorder that causes brain lesions and I'm quite certain that my psychoses are caused by the lesions. Whatever may be the case, I've been told by my therapist that I should continue making my art. So, that is just what I intend to do, as it is indeed very therapeutic for me and others to make art. I also find that math helps.

On March 8th, I wrote this: "What I have always known, is that aside from the comfort of good friends, math offers solace. It's noticeable how performing calculations can help to tune out the most distracting thoughts. While my math talent is not what it used to be, even something as simple as playing with basic math and numbers can have a calming effect. I believe this is why I've always been drawn to math, starting when I was a child."

So, as I am trying to return to a semblance of normal life, I am trying to catch up with everyone on DeviantArt, as I am very far behind. There are many pieces of art that I have not viewed yet on my Watch list. It's been almost four months since I've been here and I'm surprised my Core status has not expired yet. I was almost certain I had canceled my subscription to Core. Perhaps I did, and it is just running its course until the end date, which I do not know of. I do not know that I will continue with Core, but I will always be a member of DeviantArt.

I was away for a few months, and while I was gone, I sold some digital downloads of my fractals. I'd like to thank the person - or people - who supported me and my work. I have no way of knowing who bought them, so I can't thank you personally. A journal entry is my best effort at thanking you, and I can only hope that you read this.

Since 2005, I have been making fractals. Making them is very therapeutic for me. They take me to another world.

Speaking of digital downloads, I want to make it known that if someone buys one of my fractals, they have my permission to use it however they want.

I haven't made a fractal in a while, nor have I been on DeviantArt in a while. We've been house hunting. We've found a place we like. I don't know if it's going to work out, but if it does, I expect we'll be moving in January. The place we like is a condo. We currently live in an apartment, and I like apartment living because there are no maintenance costs, and we don't have to cut grass or shovel snow. At the condo, it's a similar situation. We won't have to cut the grass or shovel the snow, and the home's exterior maintenance is not our responsibility. I'm feeling very hopeful.

I will try to make some fractals soon. I haven't felt very creative lately. I may even try to make one tonight. I haven't checked my notifications on DeviantArt in a while, so I will get caught up soon, hopefully by tomorrow. I know I have some new watchers, and I always like to return the favor. So, if you've watched me while I was away, I will watch you back. I will also respond to all comments that have been left on my account the past couple of months.

I hope you all are staying safe and healthy. I've been staying out of restaurants and public places, except for when I have to go to the doctor's office, but most of my appointments have been virtual, which really helps. I've never been one to get out of the house much, but I've been even more of a homebody during 2020. My husband and I have stayed healthy during this pandemic. I'm hoping it will stay that way until the vaccine is released. In the meantime - and even after - we will continue to wear our face masks and face shields. We'll keep washing our hands thoroughly, using hand sanitizer, and socially distancing.

I'm sorry I've been away. I haven't forgotten anyone. I look forward to seeing what you've created while I was away. I hope you all have a lovely weekend.